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Where to go to.

Where to go to.

Birds know where to fly to, Butterflies do too.
I have no clue where the heck I should walk to.
I often wonder.. Where should I go? What do I do?
And then comes my shrink telling me to go some way or another..
And I just don’t feel like going there.. and then is when I feel like Alice
in Wonderland, asking the Cheshire cat. And that mades me go mad.
That Cat is so right!

Things we do to each other (without really knowing)

This is the kind of stuff I should remember when I go thru ANY kind of lost of breakup with ANY kind of relationship.

Your Brand of Damaged

We capsize each other’s lives–sometimes in a very obvious way, and sometimes without really knowing it. I’ve become acutely aware of the moments when I realize that yes, I am leaving a wake–or else I’m caught in someone else’s.

Not much we can do to avoid it. We fade in and out of love, and there is no way of getting around a broken heart and a broken dream. These moments are obvious, and everyone learns to deal with them in their own way.

But there are other moments when you realize that someone rejected you: not out of malice or dislike, but because their life is moving at a different speed and in a different direction; they are simply too busy or stressed or confused by their own existence to contemplate yours. And when you feel that void in your life, the void of friendship that could have been…

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Things off planned

Things off planned

I don’t know if there’s anyone out there reading this or whatever. Any way i think I’ll just keep on writing some stuff, having the idea that maybe sometime someone will read it, rather than writing on a diary or a journal and knowing that nobody will ever look at it. All this just to say that I like to share my random weirdest thoughts on the internet.

So. I was wondering how does anyone else out there reacts to this:

You have a plan. (any kind of plan including someone else) and for whatever reason things go totally different from what was planned.

What do you do?

People out there. Or more like, quotes and all, tells you to keep calm, to let go, to live the moment, that things happen for a reason, blah, blah, blah.

But, come on! Let’s be honest. I get crazy mad when things go off plans.

Is that ok? It sometimes ruins the rest of my day, in a way. Like I’m moody and all and angry at the people who ruined my plans.

Today, something like that happend and I tried to follow all those pretty quotes and sayings with pretty backgrounds and typographies, but man, it didn’t worked out well.

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Something pulling me back

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How could I know if I’m meant to stay good? This is of those moments when I feel her getting back at me after so long! She’s sweet sometimes, but her sweetness has a high price and is so hard not to pay her, not to obey. March, says I could start talking to her. Ask for help and take it, she says. But, come on! I’ve been doing that for like 4 years or so and it is not working. So now I’m wondering wether I’m meant to stay good or not. I wonder if she’ll take me away soon, or if she’ll go away soon.

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Energy

Have you ever been close to an electric grid or near high voltage lines? This weekend I was walking by one near my cousins house and I started wondering.. 

We get energy from food, but this energy is for us still be alive, we get this energy to walk, think and all.. but sometimes even tho we eat and feed ourselves to have.. let’s call it physical energy for the body, we sometimes still feel like without this energy that keeps us moving and alive. 

I thought, well, we humans must need another kind of energy, or source of energy, right? Like one that doesn’t comes from the food, and helps us do all we need to be alive. 

What is that energy that sometimes I need so much and can’t have? ImageIs like an emotional kind of energy. Where do you get it? Religion? 

I don’t like the idea of getting spiritual and emotional energy from religion. Or maybe is my religion that I don’t like so much. 

Wouldn’t it be easier to get all our energies from the same source? Food, or the sun, like solar cells. How about plugging ourselves to the power on our home while we sleep? The way we do with our cell phones and computers. 

Whatever the reason, I’m still looking for that other source for spiritual and emotional energy that I haven’t found in so many years. I hope to find it somewhere and soon. 

xoxo

Decisions

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Has it ever happen to you that you want something so bad and all the people around you keeps on saying ‘Well, it’s your choice’ ‘You choose’ ‘You have to decide’ and when you finally decide on something the just come and say ‘Well, I think it’s not the best option’ or ‘You could choose better’ ‘Maybe you should rethink about it’ and that sort of comments that at least for me, the just drive me mad!

What makes mi decisions so bad for others or others decisions bad for me?

I know we all have different points of view about life and things and all, therefor we have different opinions. But how come mine are so different to theirs?

They say we have freewill or that. That we can do whatever we want. But not really. I mean, we tend to do what society thinks it’s best, or what our family wants from us or what our friends expects from us.

So, do we really have a freewill?

That takes me to another question. Does destiny exists or not? If so, then we DON’T have freewill, right? You can’t have both. But you can have the allusion of having one while having the other. Like if there’s such thing as destiny, then our life is planned, every bit of it, our decisions and all that is to be done here on earth, so then we don’t have freewill or anything of the sort.

Anyway, this has been on my mind for a while and I can’t stop wondering about it.

xoxo, Ily M.